LOS ANGELES, Jan. 13: On Saturday morning, Madonna and Angelina Jolie
commenced a weekend "orphan-shopping-spree," vying to adopt as many
children from as many foreign countries as they could within a 48-hour
time period. Judges predicted that Angelina, who has been training for
adoptive competitions for the last five years, was clearly favored to
win; moreover, her status as Goodwill Ambassador to the U.N. has helped
open up new markets for wholesale baby-trafficking in third world
countries that, otherwise, would not qualify for such op****tunities.
Jolie's personal trainer, Lauren Librenino, assures fans that
"she's in remarkable shape. She's had only one minor set-back in
her career, when Maddox (her Cambodian child) arrived four hours late
because the delivery service had been informed to 'drop him off in an
un-specified location.' But she's recovered well since then...and
after out-smuggling Jennifer Aniston (over Brad Pitt), I think she'll
have no problem holding her own."
But Madonna presents a formidable challenge to the International
"Orphanianado." Her recent adoption of David Banda, a child from
Malawi (a country with no legal protection for orphans) proves that she
will test every limit to wrest the title away from Jolie. "I'll do
whatever it takes," she said, "embezzle, abduct, bribe, stage a
mock-crucifixion in public. Believe me: that b**tch is going down."
Indeed, by late Saturday afternoon, Madonna appeared to be pulling
ahead in the spree; having adopted over two dozen children, including a
brother and sister from Zambia, six Senegalese sibblings, and a pair of
twins from Botswana, she had secured a 3.2 orphan lead over Jolie.
Then, unexpectedly, Angelina countered with a last-minute maneuver: the
purchase of an entire orphanage in Nairobi, Kenya (population: 38).
Members of St. John's Orphanage, in Nairobi, Kenya, after
learning that they had been bought out (by Angelina Jolie) in a
Hollywood celebrity catfight competition.
Un-fazed by Jolie's lead, Madonna contacted a low-profile bounty
hunter in Namibia, Mahmoud Al-Sistani, to hijack a UNICEF schoolbus
jam-packed with children (population: 45) and charter it to the nearest
American embassy. Angelina has yet to make a comeback, although she is
re****ted to have distracted Madonna tem****arily, by seducing Guy
Ritchie an hour ago, during a concert performance for local charities.
SEE LINK:
http://gspence1173.wordpress.com/2007/01/14/madonna-and-jolie-compete-in-weekend-orphan-shopping-spree/
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